hi, i'm jira.

• 27, leo, enfj-t, washington (the state)

i'm an east coaster located in the pnw (moved here in 2023). IRL, i'm a copywriter and content strategist, and i'm currently in my unemployed era. i'm in a particular stage of life where i'm rediscovering the things i like and myself, and i'm giving myself the opportunity to try new things as they come instead of saying no to them. i've been working on healing my inner child, exploring everything that i find interest in, and building up the courage to do things that scare me.

outside of work, i aspire to write full time- i'm currently writing newsletters about the things that go on in my life. i talk about unemployment, adulthood, and friendships most of the time- navigating these things have been huge topics in my life, and i want to share my experiences with other people so they feel less alone if they're going through the same thing.

i created this site to get into the practice of logging the things that i create and find interest in, and to practice creating something of my own without adding monetary value into the mix! i'm so used to creating things for money that i forgot what it was like to actually create something just because i felt like it.

interests

• film and digital photography (mostly portraits and cityscapes)
• le sserafim, bigbang (is ot4)
• cybersigilism
• raving at dubstep shows
• daily journaling in my hobonichi
• crocheting

read list

• a little life by hanya yanagihara (finished jul 2025)
• the artist's way by julia cameron (as of jul 2025: week nine)
• the creative act: a way of being by rick rubin
• ma and me by putsata reang (currently reading!)

ma and me by putsata reang

jul 27, 2025

i purchased this book back in 2024, and it's been sitting in my home library for the longest time. one part of me wanted to read this because it brings another perspective to my culture, another part of me felt like i wasn't ready to face the trauma that my people have faced. either way, something held me back from starting this book.

i just finished the first part of this book, and there are so many things that resonate with me, especially because this person part of the diaspora, but she's a lot older than me... like nearly a decade older than me... but somehow i can relate to almost every experience she's ever had with her mother. being the caretaker, interpreter, the one who manages her feelings, the "successful" one.

i also started writing some of my thoughts on post-it notes while reading, trying to get into the habit of digesting the content and developing (re-developing??) my critical thinking skills again. maybe i'll post them here sometime... when i feel like thinking about code again. for now, we write!!

a little life by hanya yanagihara

jul 2025

finished reading this book after taking a three month hiatus... wow. i really don't even know what to say. i really had to take a break from this book, mostly because i realized how traumatizing it all is. after looking up some reviews, so many people have said that it was glorified trauma p*rn, which isn't inherently wrong, but i think a lot of people were expecting a happy ending for this book. i mean, a book that's so beautifully written... of course there should be a happy ending!! but yanagihara really said, "SIKE."

i felt so connected to each and every character (other than malcolm and jb because well... you barely see them in the second half of the book), and i seriously clung onto every word. no matter how long of a break i took, i immediately got sucked into it after one page. this book was gut-wrenchingly sad, but so beautifully written. i felt like i really knew jude, and being in his mind taught me was it was like to be in the prison of your own mind. i think a lot about my closest, most bestest friend, and how i had to talk her out of unaliving herself. i remember how i wanted to be in her mind, just to understand her a bit better, to help her in the way that she needed. after reading this, i realize it's all about being patient and compassionate. doing what you can.

re: happy endings, i'll put a snippet of what i wrote in my journal app-

the sad truth is- there is no happy ending. and i think a lot of people are used to getting happy endings in media that consumes them, that makes them go through emotional rollercoasters. because we didn't get a happy ending for jude, we feel like that happiness is robbed from us. we point our fingers in every which way- towards the author, what they could've done better- or towards life itself, how could anyone do these things, do harm upon others in this way?

apr 2025

halfway through this book and it just took an unbelieveable turn. i can't believe i'm reading this book. this book was so beautifully written, and i cling onto every word. this book is a literary masterpiece but i hate the things that happen in this book. nothing would've prepared me for this.

the artist's way

jul 2025

i took a pause on the artist's way... mainly because i was busy doing other things (literally defeats the whole purpose of it), but also because my mind wasn't 100% there anymore. i'm debating on whether or not to pick it up again from where i left off, or just pick it up from the very start again. i think it'd be interesting to do both- either see it to the end or start from scratch. i feel like i'd learn so much about myself lol.

• "shaming someone is an attempt to prevent the person from behaving in a way that embarrasses us." (67)
• "...extreme emotions of any kind... are the usual triggers for avoiding the [morning] pages themselves." (80)
• "as we eliminate ambiguity, we lose illusion as well. we arrive at clarity, and clarity creates change." (81)
• "...many recovering creatives sabotage themselves by making nice... when we can't get others to leave us alone, we eventually abandon ourselves." (98)
• "work has to be work and not play... anything we really want to do... [is] considered frivolous and be placed a distant second." (106)

unf*ck your friendships by faith g. harper

• "trauma is an injury to our nervous system that occurs when something overwhelms our ability to cope." (24)
• "we are fed as much by doing things for others as having people do things for us." (25)
• on aristotle's three categories of friends: there are friendships of utility, pleasure, and virtue. (36)
• "what gets these kind-hearted people in a confused state of trouble... is not their internal process, but that becoming their out-loud voice." (66)
• on empathy and compassion: sometimes when others tell us about their experience, the worst thing we can do is talk about ourselves during those moments of distress.

jul 27, 2025

it's been a minute since i've updated this page- which is totally okay LOL there's literally no one pressuring me to do anything. sometimes, i forget that this is my safe space, a place where i can experiment, document, and freely write my thoughts. i won't lie to you, reader, that i think i've been traumatized so much by the people that used to call themselves my friends- those who watched my every move, ready to attack and belittle me whenever i rejected the status quo (aka who they wanted me to be).

over the last few months, i've gone through a bit of a friendship breakup... i'm not really sure WHAT to call it exactly. it's weird when someone starts to get phased out of your life, but still tells themselves that you both are still friends, that you're important to them. it's a really confusing thing to me, and it's not the first time something like this knocked me down and debilitated me for days at a time.

oftentimes, i wished that people were more honest about their feelings, or at the very least, communicative about what was going on in their mind. it feels like i'm being strung along, whiplashed every which way, trying to figure out how they're feeling, or how to navigate the rough waters.

one thing i have learned though- i'm not responsible for how people show up for me, especially when i've stated my intentions and tried my hardest to be a supportive friend for them. if they're not ready to talk about things- then it's not up to me to get it out of them.

in other news, it was my birthday last friday. i feel so thankful that my girl friends from brooklyn visited me, i hadn't seen them since 2022 and getting face-to-face time was so healing, and it felt like we opened up another chapter in our friendship. on the other hand- i was pretty upset after they left. i realized i spoke really poorly about my recent friendship breakup (that they knew nothing about), and now i feel like i'm walking on eggshells about my feelings... not because i want to, maybe because it's just so fresh in my mind.

i did get to spend time with people that unconditionally love me, and i genuinely believe that there are people that love me for me, and i'm trying to tell myself since last week that i'm NOT too much, that i'm allowed to speak my mind and feel how i do. it can be hard to get myself out of this rut sometimes, but i'm trying my best. i always hear my old friends in the back of my mind, and i'm always asking them, "why did you feel like that was appropriate to say?" because i would never say those kinds of things to them or make them feel any type of way intentionally. but somehow, it feels like every word they said was meant with intention.

apr 15, 2025

i recently got back into journaling again this week (daily journaling in my hobonichi + morning pages for the artist's way), and i realized how integral writing is to me, like if i don't do it, i feel so empty inside?? it's like my life force is gone!!

i also just filed my taxes, and i think it was single-handedly the hardest thing i've ever done all year. i think that tax filing platforms like turbotax or h&r block always try to get as much money as they possibly can from us for services that we don't care about. the whole time i was on turbotax, it was like they kept asking me to pay extra for a live service. it was so weird and SO icky.

i just finished my second interview at the dance studio for the receptionist job, and i feel like it went really well! i was initially really anxious about showing up as i am, but i was really glad to hear that my authentic self was appreciated and noticed. i feel so validated, like all of the work that i've been doing with the artist's way and just generally doing shadow work and being kinder to myself is really paying off, i think. i feel so proud of myself today.

apr 10, 2025

last night, i was able to spend some time with my girlfriends since we weren't able to see each other earlier this week. it was honestly such a refreshing time, and i was also just so happy to see them. i feel like whenever i hang out with them, i feel so seen, so validated, and so incredibly heard. this is the first time i've developed really intentional and deep friendships with those who in this city.

today, i woke up playing league of legends lol. it was really fun to play at 10am, but it also felt really brain-rotty in a way... like it was the first thing i did when i woke up. but it's okay- sometimes life just works that way, and i need to remind myself that i'm allowed to have fun, even when it doesn't feel like i can/should.

i'm also feeling so much excitement around neocities- experimenting with the web and doing all of the things i want to do. sometimes i get a little overwhelmed when i see other sites, i feel like mine isn't flashy enough, isn't amazing enough, nothing to write home about. but i'm working on reminding myself that this act in and of itself is a miracle. to carve a little space on the web, just for me, is something so special. a little corner, a digital garden, whatever this is, it's mine, and it's okay to show up as i am.

apr 09, 2025 (pt. 2)

i just came back home from my interview with the dance studio. it was a really interesting interview- a lot of the topics centered around community and what it means to me. i feel like it was a blur, i was chatting the whole time and really taking my time to think about the questions and certain scenarios to talk about.

i can feel myself feeling a little anxious, and i can hear the doubts floating around in my head: thinking about how i showed up and how they'd have no reason to hire me, and just generally feeling nervous about someone saying no to me. but i understand that if i don't get this part time job, it isn't the end of the world. i'm still worthy and deserving of a job that makes me happy. i'm still able to live freely, to find a new job that fulfills me, regardless of how this all turns out.

apr 09

i'm editing my neocities because i'm trying to distract myself from my interview that's happening in an hour and a half. i'm a little nervous, but i'm also really excited at the same time. i'm catching myself dreaming about what it's like to work in a dance studio, and even though it's a receptionist role, the thought of being surrounded by dancers and meeting so many people in a day brings me so much excitement and glee. i'm not sure if i'll even get the role, or if i'll even want it after this interview, but i'm really proud of pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

for the longest time, i've always stayed in my lane, or did things because someone else told me to. for the first time, i actually applied to work somewhere different, doing a completely different role, but it's familiar enough where i feel confident i guess? it's all kind of strange to be honest.

i'm also starting to think critically about my life... what kinds of things i want to accomplish, how to get there. money is always a huge factor, but i'm thinking about where to go from here. it feels like a new page is turning.

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